newly awakened

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Comment by Founding Father J P ChrstVampyr on November 20, 2009 at 6:42pm

Im not sure I would call them classes as no one is better than anyone else. It only has to do with how long people have been here, There contributions to the Temple, and how active they are in the Temple. We give our Elders credit for there knowledge and experience is all. I do not like class systems or anything to do with politics and that is not allowed here as we are all equal as Vampyr kin...

Comment by Ssapphire on November 20, 2009 at 5:59am

Raven- I'm not sure why you are having a hard time emailing me. I am on your friends list.Just click on my picture it will take you to my page then on the left hand side you have a few options. Click on send message and try that. If that doesn't work I will drop you a message in your inbox as to how to reach me outside of here.
To answer your question many houses/covens do infact use some form of ranking based on what they do and how much they needd to feed. But as a whole meaning all the vamps in the world combined no there is no ranking system. However with that being said there have been quite a few feuds over the best way to feed-sang vs psi- and I suppose one could look at that and say yes but really no. There's no ranking system except for with in the houses/covens. And each one is different in some way. For example House Kheperu ( I hope I spelled that right) use what they call a casting system. The was a system that society actually used at one point many many years ago for all people .. kind of like lower class, middle class, upper class. Except that House Kheperu use this to identify priest, from warrior, to counselor. and actually counselor is in the middle of that. Any of one group relies on the others so they are all equally important. In our temple we have the fathers/mothers, the ambassadors and clerks, and then the mundanes. Hmm seems to me I'm missing one. Again each relies on the other. Give me just a few minutes and I will send you a message with the link to more information about how the temple's work. There is one thing though that i would like to point out. Almost all the codes of I seen on how to conduct yourself is if you go to a new city you should try to become knowledgeable about the group/coven that is there and introduce yourself. Again though if you are asking if the whole of vampires collected havea ranking system the answer is no and I think that is a very good thing. We have enough labels in society lol. Anyways I hope this helps answer your question. I will send you a message so you can just hit reply I will also find the link for you. I hope that this finds you well.
~Ssapphire~

Comment by raven_firestorm on November 19, 2009 at 10:56pm

ssapphire sorry it took so long to get back with you.i cant seem to email you.yes i found that helpful.i also find you not only kind but willing to help.i was wondering one thing do vampires have a ranking system and if so how does it work.


dark blessings
raven

Comment by Ssapphire on October 27, 2009 at 10:15am

Welcome to the group Absolom! I have a question out of curiosity.. what happened yesterday to as you word it make you know without a doubt that you are infact a vampire?

Comment by Absolom on October 26, 2009 at 4:18pm

i have known i was a vampire for three years. BUT i did not know without a doubt till today

Comment by Ssapphire on October 22, 2009 at 6:07pm

These are just some of my other thoughts on the whole of your post so please bear with me. Others may see things differently or come at it from different perspective.. i'm just offering you my perspective based on what you have written in your posts below and in your blogs as well as what I am picking up on and I'm offering a different way of looking at things. It may not work for you.. but it may and that is why I am typing this!
You dreamed for months in advance of the day of the car accident that came to pass. but you say you dreamt of your 'death'. I have two thoughts here.. is it possible that you dreamt of being unconscious, your spirit body seperating from your physical as such as one would do in an astral or lucid dreaming to observe everything from every angle? I think this may be the case but I also believe and feel that this unconsciousness or 'death' may have been symbolic in nature.. letting you know you were ready to move on to the next phase in your life.. your 'awakening' if that is what you would like to call it. The dreams that came for months before the event .. were to prepare you for it and is what allowed you to have that peace so deep within you that day, what allowed you to embrace your destiny.
It could also be possible that if you were this acceptance came because of and if you were already contemplating suicide prior to the dreams, prior to that day because of that dream.. The what if's are great with this.. and only you can determine and know for sure what that peace meant. ( I will explain by sharing my story with you later)
With regards to the accident itself. You said you were out cold yet you 'felt' a presence. A darkness around you. I'm going to suggest as I did earlier. What I believe happened and agaiin these are merely my thoughts..but what I feel happened was when you went unconscious it was your brains way of trying to protect you from what was occuring around you. But i also believe that you divided yourself..seperate youself so that you could still be aware of what was going on around you. So that even though your brain was on shutdown.. you could 'feel' it because it was as if you were floating above yourself, watching as everything transpired. Basically and oob expereince (oob = out of body) or some might argue an out of mind expereince, I have experienced both and can tell you first hand that this is alarming at times to say the least.. This was to also help you cope and gave your mind and body that little bit of time it gave to 'accept' or prepare for what was coming.
When we reeneter our body.. we do so slowly so that we do not give ourselves a heartattack so to speak. So that our bodies can accept the renentrance of our etheral self ( Hmm i'm pretty sure that is the word I wanted but it's not sitting right with me. If I find a better word I will let you know) But either way.. even unconscious .. you made choices.. you made the choice to fight what you percieved as death. You made the choice to reenter your body and fight for your life breathe. You made the choice to hang on when others would have given up just from fear alone or perhaps because their paths truly needed to come to an end. You recognized this wasn't the case. You recongnized that you had to face the fears and you did so. Over and over you've made choices along this part of your journey that tell me and I'm sure others here at the very least the essence of WHO you are.
I'm going to propose a few things.. if you find them to be true.. great.. if you don't that's okay to.
1. I propose deeper down than you are admitting to you know you were ready for this next step. Maybe not in such harsh a way but you were ready spiritually, physically and mentally for it.
2. I propose that expelling all the energy to not accept where you are though you accepted and even embraced the peace that day shows that while you didn't know where the road was going to take you you realized to resist and deny is futile and a waste.
3. I propose that you didn't 'die' in your dreams no more than you did in real life. The death of your dreams were symbolic of impact the death would have on you.. warning of the changes that would come when the car hit the bike and you on it. Another way for your body and mind to prepare for what was to come. I also propose that although you were out cold.. you were merely above your body able to take in everything around you thus how you knew who you were dealing with as soon as you felt the 'connection' to the female psi vamp.
Speaking of which.. kind of back along the lines of the dreams prior to that foretold of that day.. I wonder how much of the pain you are suffering is because you can't forgive yourself? How many ... if I had not accepted it that day, if I had not gotten on that bike, if I had stayed home rather than go out, if I had made different choices prior to that car hitting my bike.. if this if that do you have? I bet a ton! Those if's only serve to delay your acceptance of your new situation your new life as you call it. Those if's only fuel your anger, towards yourself, and others like us. Anger can be used for negative or positive. By you allowing it to keep you from accepting and taking your next step, by you allowing it to keep yourself in a state of mind and emotion that you don't truly want to be in.. you are using it for the negative. To use it as a positive- accept, learn, grow, help others by offering what you have learned, as well as your stories to those who truly want to learn, for those who are awakening, to educate others even? Blaming yourself for someone else losing control of THEIR vehicle.., blaming yourself because YOU were ready to take the next step.. blaming all vampires for one vampires actions... none of this is going to get you anywhere. Again I can't stress it enough.. turn the negative into the positive. I know enough about you to know that you can do this. You can take that anger and change it.. make it something useful for yourself and others. And you won't lose as much energy as what you are now being angry, unaccepting, accusing, and repressive ( as much as one can be while awakening).
And that brings me to my last point for this comment.hmm this book! lol.
You may not be exactly the same person you were last year.. but the good attributes you had.. are still within you. There is a point where one loses even those.. but you are far from that place. You're old self is not lost, it's not gone. You if I dare be so bold to say..you are just so overwhelmed with everything else- the changes, the learning, the acceptance that it's taking the view away from you. I know it FEELS like your old you is gone and that in his place stands a 'new' individual, a stranger. But if you dig deep you will realize that the 'old' you is not gone.. just better, or improved upon. You are still there.. the goodness in your.. your perceptions on right and wrong, some of the likes and dislikes. It's all there. Sure lots of things changed, your gifts ( in some ways you gained more, in other ways you are merely realizing that you have them though odds are high you were born with them and they are just now being realized and some.. got stronger.) maybe your likes and dislikes changed quite a bit. Perhaps how you percieve different things such as your relationships to others and theirs to others have changed. But you are still you and in the end what you do with that is up to you. You can turn it into a good thing. You don't have to be the 'monster' that your brain conjures up when we hear the word vampire for the first time. You don't have to be like the one who made you wake up. You have choices you can make about who you are, what you are, what you want to be and what you want it to mean. Who you hurt, or don't hurt, how you act or don't act. ALL of it in the end is up to you and what you do with it. How you use it. You do have good in you. I see it. I feel it. And I only know you from here.. but I focused and read . I can't explain it any better than that but I KNOW that in the end you will get through this darkness and you will be a better being for it in the end. Go easy on yourself. Take your time. learn what you need to ask the questions that need answers, seek your own truth. it's there and it's waiting for you. You were ready for this path.. your acceptance of it that day is proof of that whether you like it now or not. All new paths are scary but well with this path you are not alone. your destiny awaits you and more importantly you await you.- allow yourself to be that better being you want to be !

Comment by Ssapphire on October 22, 2009 at 3:09pm

For now, til I can compose the rest of my thoughts.. I guess I'd like to start with that alone. Please bear with me.. I ask questions only so that I can better help you and so that you can better understand yourself. I don't expect answers from anyone when I ask questions.... but if you want my help then I have to understand to some degree.. which trust me I already understand more than you can imagine as we are in similar yet very different situations.
That being said my first concern is for you well being, YOUR safety. I'm glad to hear that you cut off contact with the individual who you think awoke you. Normally I"m not sure I'd agree with that disconnect without the trying of making it a join thing. But that's just me and I agree with how you did it. However I want to go go back to before the accident first-
You state in the beginning that you never got used to your what I call prophetic or precog dreaming. You state that it helped you avoid life altering events but that you 'never could get used to it'. I agree.. it's hard to get used to a gift that is so random.. I'm a prophetic precog in terms .. at least that is how I word mine to make it easier and if you want later in a different post I will explain what I mean. The whole point is.. you are right it can be difficult to get used to as well as to accept and embrace. But while you say this.. not long there after you discuss ..well I will quote you " it's so unfair it took me years to become comfortable with who I am and to except my self and to be happy with who I am. and just when I finally reach that point in life. everything I once was dies. ".
Here are some thoughts.. without repasting your entire post lol..-
I think you did have problems accepting things in what we will call your old life. I think you struggled with the concept of Who Am I as an individual and an memeber of family and even bigger possability.. a community. This is merely what I am getting though and you can tell me I'm wrong anytime ;) But here's my theory... your approach to that day is what set the ball in motion. When you awoke and had that 'peace' and knowing of destiny.. I think you came to accept all things. Once acceptance has been achieved it's time to move on to the next step.. whatever step that may be for an individual. (Just so you and other readers are aware.. I know that 'peace' feeling he is referring to. I had it before I fell and when I awoke after being unconscious on my floor 3 1/2 hours.) It was time. However I think you misinterrpreted your dreams. I don't think you died in your dreams I think you were being shown the paths you could take by watching the process going on around you both in the dream and when you were 'out cold and so close to death'. But that is for a seperate post I think.. so for now let me get back to this acceptance.
I think you struggled with who you were. Having all those dreams before hand.. was preparing you in a way without you even realizing it so that when the day came and you recognized that it was 'that' day you would be ready to chose which way you wanted to go. You prepared enough, and were spiritually far enough to be ready for the next step and you that day accept and see the bigger picture.
So what does that have to do with your safety now? Well At first i will be honest.. I wondered if you weren't possibly suicidal before the accident. If the feelings of acceptancce and peace that day didn't stem from a desire to no longer be on this earth? But honestly and these are only my impressions and what I am picking up.. despite your hestitancy to accept yourself.. I think you did in the end.
However I've read your posts. You are an excellent writer with a lot of potential btw :) But I've read your posts and opened myself up to your energy directly and I concerned is a mild word for it!
Your last two paragraphs speak clearly of your in ability at the time to accept.. but for what it is worth you are starting to accept. You are here in the group and this temple.. that alone speaks of that acceptance. Perhaps you should consider a few things.
1.Each one of us needs energy.. and we learn how to conserve, preserve, and exert energy according to our own levels and those of others. I'd ask yourself.. are you needing more energy because of the energy you are expelling in your attempts to as you say.. hate vampires and yourself?
2. How much energy are you expelling trying to repress who you are and is that worth not embracing who you are?
3. What do you think would happen if you merely allowed yourself to accept who you are? Do you think you will be a monster? Do you think you will be opening a door you can't shut again? Is accepting the same thing as agreeing with something be it yourself, a concept, a theory, a thought, a belief etc etc?
4. Just because you are now having these suicidal-hellish nightmares doesn't mean you HAVE to feel that way during your waking hours. Sometimes dreams are just dreams and they are your brain and bodies way of dealing with things in a more open direct way.
I am concerned about you with regards to this. Are you seeking help for these suicidal dreams/thoughts? Are you working with anyone outside your family to come to terms with what happened? If not what are you doing to cope? To come to terms with everything? Do you see someone you can talk to about it all or have you?
Again you don't have to answer these questions if you do not want to. But I would like for you to consider what I am saying here and what I will say in the next post.
Acceptance is key to you moving forward. To end the nightmares. Accept that you embraced that peaceful feeling that day. Accept the fact that you are still 'alive' and that there is a reason for it. Accept that for whatever your reasoning you embraced that day and the events. Accept that you can't go back and undo it. Accept that there was an old you and a new you. You don't have to like it.. but acceptance truly is the 1st key to all of this. And please.. if those feelings that you are slowly letting out in your posts and here.. if they become worse.. SEEK HELP! Go see a doctor, go to the er, find a friend you can go to if you find yourself in a 'crisis' with regards to those feelings and the desire to act on them. You didn't fight to get back to your body, you didn't accept that day only to awaken to a new life, to give up now. I know at times you may want to.. but you also know that giving up is not the answer and you show that through who you are here, and probably who you are at home as well. Don't lose sight of that. You are not a quitter.. if you were you wouldn't be here posting and seeking answers and even starting to accept that some of us aren't as bad as the one you encountered the day of you accident.
No one asked for this life.. those who do ..well I have my own feelings on that... but no one here asked to be what they are and they have all had to learn how to accept and come to terms with themselves and their positions on numerous subjects! Keep putting one foot in front of the other and allow us (when I say us I'm referring the members of not just TUVUP but true vampires to assist you, and help you as you continue your awakening and beyond that. Just as you've offered support to others.. be open to recieving it too )
On that note I'm going to close and move on to the other things I wanted to be sure to cover today from your post. The message of this post : 1. ACCEPTANCE IS KEY 2. GET HELP if those feelings continue or if you feel you will act out on them.

Comment by Ssapphire on October 21, 2009 at 9:48pm

Wow! I am really sorry that you are going through all of this. There's quite a bit I actually want to say to this but I don't want to just 'wing' it here and now. So please do not think that it's gone unread, it hasn't.. but it would probably be best if I compose it first on word and sorted out as I'm sort of in a fog atm. I'm sorry of not more immediate assistance. I hope this finds you able to sleep tonight!
~Ss~

Comment by Ssapphire on October 19, 2009 at 10:58pm

You are quite welcome :) Like I said I don't have a lot of answers but if I can help I will. DB to you.

Comment by raven_firestorm on October 19, 2009 at 10:50pm

thanks that is a lot of help and also makes a lot of sense to me.i never thought about trying to explain it in that way.im glad there are people like you who can help people like me.

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